:: Update New Jocks ::


1) Wife:Can u explain to me how this lipstick got on ur collar? Hubby:No, I
really can't,I definitely remember that I took my shirt off.

2) Nxt gen Child wil sing in school:
Twinkle twinkle litle star,
I just went 2 royal bar,Whisky rates r up so high,
So drink a beer wth chiken fry. . :-) :-) :-)

3) Sardar ko ek blank message aaya, phir sardarne usi mobile ko phone karke
bola,tumhe malum hai tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gaya hai...

4) A Basanti naach
<,>
((
>>

,/
<))
<<

,/
<))
/ >
Mast nachti hai na. Actualy,
Ye SHOLAY part 2 ki hey, jo kutto KE SAMNE B nachti hai.

5) Tum pas aay...yu muskuraye... apne 32 dant aise dikhaye... Dekh kar mera
dil... phoot phoot kar rota hai...kya yaar tumse... brush bhi thik se nahi hota
hai.

6) Ek Hijde ne Viagra kha lee. Sharir ke Andar se Aawaz Aayee Mafi Chahte
Hain Aap ke System me Yeh Suvidha Uplabadh nahi hai. Error : No HARDWARE!

7) U r Sweet as:CHOCOLATE Meetha as:GULABJAMUN
Raseela as:RASGULLA
Cool as:ICE CREAM
Bhagwan buri nazar se bachaye,kahi mere Dost ko cheentiya hi na kha jai.

8) Sardar's theory:Moon is more impt than Sun,cos it gives light 8 night when
light is needed &sun gives light during d day when light is not needed.

9) Kaun kehta hai Mard ko dard nahi hota,kaun kehta hai mard ko dard nahi
hota.Tango k beech m laat maro,Jise dard nahi hota,Wo mard nahi hota....

10) Agar
NAGIN NAG
ko kiss karegi
to NAG kaunsa gana gayega?

Socho socho..

"Zehar hai
ke pyar hai
tera chumma."

Fisssss..Sssssss

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Laughter - The Best Medicine

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
And 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
A sick eagle."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"